Pada setiap sunyi aku menyudut badan dengan sisa-sisa nyeri. Bukan perihal tusukan belati atau semacam hipertensi yang tetiba naik ke ubun, tapi rindu yang terlanjur menjadi rimbun. Aku hawatir bila tidak dapat mengunduh temu, bahkan mungkin akan lebih tepat tidak sama sekali.
Sebuah bisikan melintas dan menggilas warasku, satu persatu. Menggugurkan bening di bola mataku. Tuhan, Apa yang hamba salahi? Mengapa menjaga hati di jalanMu harus serumit ini?
Biar dia tidak mendengar, agar dia tidak berhenti terpaksa. Tidak peduli seberapa lelahnya aku menjungkir akal untuk menghitung berapa banyak lipatan jarak yang sudah kubuat. Aku tidak berhenti dan berharap agar dia lelah menggiring tapakku. Aku tak mau begitu.
Bolehkah aku mengajukan banding guna menawar jalan cerita yang aku tau telah kau takdirkan Tuhan? Tidak. Tetapi izinkan aku menyebut namanya dalam pengaduanku. Adakah dia disana bertanya tentang rasa yang sama yang sering kuceritakan padaMu?
Ada yang membisik untuk mundur pelan-pelan. Ada yang menggoda untuk mengecap sedikit saja manisnya jalan pintas. Namun Tuhan, mungkin di ujung sana ada yang tengah membasahi sajadah di tiap sepertiga malamnya. Mengadu perihal rindu yang sama. Aku tak mampu memastikan senyumannya pun wajah cantiknya, tapi aku yakin pada setiap aksara yang dia tuangkan dalam surat-surat cintaMu. Bisakah aku percaya?
Malam semakin kejam, mengoyak perasaan yang bergumul antara harap dan tetap menetap. Aku membisu, karena aku tak memiliki namanya. Tapi rindu ini rasanya nyata. Tapi aku tidak tahu tentu siapa pemiliknya. Keyakinanku seolah dia tengah merindukanku di ujung jalan sana. Tuhan, aku hanya minta aminkan doa seorang dia yang menyebut namaku dalam doanya. Lalu, tunjukan aku jalan untuk pulang ke arahnya.
Perlahan malam mulai melembutkan setiap tikamannya dengan gerimis yang merintik. Suara yang menenangkan diantara bising raung-raung rindu.
Harap itu menumpuk dan menuntut untuk diungkap. Lalu aku akan terus menyebut namaMu, perihal hanya Kau yang tau rinduku yang menggebu. Pada dia yang meyakinkan rinduku. Tolong peluk ia penuh dekap ya Rabb, agar ia tidak lagi kesepian.
Aku tidak meminta datangnya dia dipermudah agar penantianku tidak begitu lama. Aku hanya memintaMu, agar aku diperkuat kala memperjuangkan ia di sini dengan setangkup peluk yang menghangatkan dan meluruhkan perasaan rindunya. Walaupun kau tahu aku juga rindu.
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